UnErasable
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: Just like the blood on his jacket, Stella couldn't be removed from his thoughts... SMacked set during Grounds For Deception first CSI:NY fic
1. Chapter 1

**UnErasable**

**Summary: Just like the blood on his jacket, Stella couldn't be removed from his mind... **

**A/N: This is set during Grounds For Deception. I've never written for CSI: NY. I've not seen a lot of episode (like the last few of season 5 and the first couple of season 1), but I love Mac & Stella. I hope the characterization isn't too far off. Ugh, okay, enough of my rambling. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own them in the least. **

Mac Taylor wasn't easily shaken, but today his whole world had been shook like a snowglobe. Running through a vineyard, chasing a man who was trying to kill his best friend, and probably would've, if it hadn't been for the sacrifice of another. He hated cases that ended this way, it wasn't why he took the job.

Stella was asleep in the room next to his and he breathed easy, knowing she was okay. He held his bloody jacket, the blood had dripped from Stella's hand and onto the back of his jacket during a hug he never wanted to end.

He held the gray jacket under the cold running water, it rushed over his hands and the water was tinted red. He scrubbed at it, rubbing soap into it repeatedly, but still the stain remained. Mac wiped his brow with the back of his shirt sleeve and continued to scrub. He kept at it until the water grew so cold that it physically hurt his hands.

Sighing, he tossed the jacket into the waste can. He rested his hands on the edge of the porcelain sink, breathing deeply through his nose and letting it out. He repeated the process over and over again -his knuckles grew white from gripping the edge of the sink so hard. When his heart rate returned to normal, he glanced in the mirror and walked back into his room.

He undid the cuffs of his dress shirt, unbuttoned the top four buttons of his shirt and fell down on to the bed. His arm tucked under his head, he waited for his mind to shut off and for sleep to overtake him.

It never came.

He turned on his side, then his stomach and finally his other side -no luck. He hummed the tune of a nameless song, closed his eyes and counted sheep. Still, nothing. Every time he closed his eyes, he was standing in that vineyard holding Stella as she cried. It happened every time Stella was in trouble, he'd go back to the moment over and over. It was the worst image in the world, knowing something out there could break Stella emotionally. And until he saw her smile again, heard her let out that little chuckle -nothing would be right in the world.

A soft knock came on his door and he got off the bed, walking wearily to the door and opening it. Stella stood on the otherside of the door frame, eyes puffy and red, a used kleenex wrinkled in her hands. He said nothing, just let her walk forward into his arms and her head rested against his chest.

"I can't stop seeing it." She whispered.

"I've got you." Mac whispered back, tracing his hand in a circular motion on her back.

"I just... I don't want to be alone right now." Stella told him, clearing her throat and tossing the kleenex into the waste basket by his bed.

"Okay." Mac nodded, he lead her over to his bed. He sat down on top the cotton sheets, scooting over, Stella climbed in beside him. Mac's arm wrapped around her shoulder and her head rested against the crook of his neck.

As Stella drifted off to sleep, Mac tucked a curly lock behind her ear and kissed her forehead. Just like the blood on his jacket, Stella couldn't be removed from his thoughts and maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

**A/N: I realize that's really short, but it's just meant to be a filler. And, like I said, I'm a newbie... so I hope it's not too horrible... and okay, really. enough. okay. I'm gonna post it now. **


	2. Chapter 2

**UnErasable**

**Summary: Just like the blood on his jacket, Stella couldn't be removed from his mind... **

**A/N: I got asked to continue this and I had a couple more ideas for 'Grounds For Deception' so I'll try to string them together coherently. Here's hoping I'm not making this too much of a good thing.. **

**Disclaimer: I own them not and that physically pains me. **

The flight from Greece to America takes the better part of a day -even flying direct out of Athens to New York. Stella Bonasera didn't talk much; she dozed part way and stared silently out the window for the rest. Mac Taylor tried his damnedest to focus on the in-flight movie, but every few seconds he found himself glancing over at Stella.

The flight attendant pushed a cart up and down the aisle, "Sir, would you like anything?"

"No, thank you." Mac held up his hand and shook his head.

"And your companion?" The attendant asked.

"Stell?" Mac looked over at her, "Stella.."

"Huh?" Stella turned her head to look at him.

"You want anything?"

"Oh, no thank you." Stella shook her head and then turned to look out the window again.

"Thank you." Mac told the attendant again as she moved on.

Stella drummed her nails on her knee and closed her eyes, the cool of the window clearing her head. She breathed; in through the nose, out through the mouth. She repeated the process. She could feel Mac's eyes on her and it was comforting. She felt better knowing Mac was beside her and he wasn't going anywhere.

"Stella?" Mac asked quietly.

"Hmm?" Stella whispered.

"You okay?" Mac asked.

Stella nodded her head once and then shook her head -she wasn't fine and there was no use lying to Mac. Stella's hands were folded in her lap and Mac reached over, sliding his hand down her left forearm. His hand found hers, fingers intertwining. Stella shifted in her seat and leaned against Mac's shoulder.

Her eyes shifted from watching the clouds out the window to Mac's hand in hers, the way their hands magically fit together. He understood her; he knew when to hold her and when to back off, he knew how to hold her hand and when not to talk -he just got it. Stella found solace in that fact.

His thumb traced gentle circles where her hand met her wrist. It was almost methodic; two circles to the left, two to the right and repeat. It was dependable, just like the person performing the act.

The Professor has been Stella's family for so long and he had given his life to save her. If there was one thing Stella had learned from her life, it was that family didn't depend on blood ties. She had lost a member of her family in that vineyard; in that moment though she realized she had family she could lean on.

Mac Taylor held her together. He held her while she cried in the vineyard, he had held her while she slept last night and here he was, holding her hand while they went home.

The pilot came on the speaker overhead, they were preparing to make their descent to LaGuardia. Stella sat up in her seat and manage to put her seatbelt on one handed. Mac did the same and as the plane headed towards the runway, their hands never seperated. Maybe it was okay for Stella to fall apart, as long as Mac was there to hold her together.

**A/N: Okay, I don't think it was as good as the first one, but you tell me. I am gonna probably do one more and then this will be complete. Hope it wasn't too horrible to write and these are just gonna be little vignettes, so please no complaining about how short they are.. it bugs me too. **


	3. Chapter 3

**UnErasable**

**Summary: Just like the blood on his jacket, Stella couldn't be removed from his mind...**

**A/N: Ahh! You guys are so sweet. My ego is growin' exponentially from those reviews! Eeps! Anyways, this is the final installment for this 'Grounds For Deception' fic. The first WIP I've finished... miraculous!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own them and that physically pains me!**

_"See, there you go, see that right there, that's an S. That would be Stella. The woman in your life -who sometimes you adore and sometimes she drives you crazy." _Stella chuckled and Mac's spirit soared. She had chuckled -the world was back on it's axis.

"I adore her?" Mac asked, letting out a throaty laugh.

"Oh absolutely." Stella laughed, letting her head rest against Mac's shoulder as her she shook with laughter.

"You okay?" Mac asked, looking at her as if she had two heads.

"I'm fine." Stella roared with laughter.

"What's so funny?" Mac turned in his seat and watched her. She was beautiful when she laughed; her smile wide and eyes brimming with happy tears. It was contagious and Mac couldn't help but laugh with her.

"I have no idea." Stella said, gasping for air. This fact caused her to laugh harder.

"It's official Stell, you've finally lost it." Mac laughed with her.

"If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me." Stella tried to catch her breath as she wiped at her tears. Sometimes, on occasion, after a tradgedy you just had to break down laughing before the situation ate you alive.

Mac reached over, brushing the hair from her face. His hand trailed down her cheek, cupping her jaw. He traced his thumb over her chin momentarily and then let his hand drop.

"Mac..." Stella said softly.

"I like hearing you laugh." Mac said and stood up. He extended his hand to her and she took it; he pulled her to her feet and they stood toe to toe.

"I like laughing." Stella whispered.

He was caught in a moment of indecision; he was dependable and predictable. He thought every thing out -measured twice, cut once. In that moment, however, staring into Stella's green eyes he had the deepest desire to be spontaneous.

She was the one to take chances and leaps of faith -ready to dive in. She knew he was tentative, but she was patient -she could wait. It would all happen eventually.

Standing on her tip toes, she kissed Mac's cheek and he squeezed her elbow reassuringly. She was the one who could read the tea leaves after all -accurately. She pulled back and looked in his eyes; in his eyes laid a desire that was equally matched in her. It would happen; what they shared was unerasable, undefinable and when it happened it would change everything.

**A/N: The end. I hope you liked it :] Have you guys heard 'She is' by The Fray? It makes me think of SMacked. -shrugs- maybe I'll use it for my next fic. Leave some reviews. Off to go watch some eps on HULU. toodles. **


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